Tuesday, August 20, 2013

reflections on this pregnancy

Today marks our 39th week of being pregnant! We're almost there!

In some ways, I can't believe we're this close to meeting our little guy already. In others, it seems like it's been forever...and we still have a long way to go.

There are a lot of thoughts running through this pregnant lady's head.

Things I want to remember:
  • how overjoyed Cody was at our 20-week ultrasound, when he saw that Baby K is a boy; 'twas by far the happiest I have ever seen him (and he's a really happy guy)
  • repeating Baby K's name over and over again when we found the perfect middle name to go with his great first one
  • how Baby K would suddenly move and kick during God time in the evenings
  • the generosity of friends in providing everything we needed; thank You, God, for Your provision!
  • seeing the line immediately appear on the pregnancy test; such an unexpected gift on Christmas morning!
  • even when I was sick with pneumonia, my thirst and appetite were still strong and Baby K remained healthy
  • the awe in how God perfectly knitted Baby K together inside of me over these last nine months; one week he was the size of a sesame seed, a couple weeks later he had limb buds, then a brain...God's an incredible Creator!
  • many times it looked like I had two belly buttons; Baby K liked to poke out a heel (fist?) right above my belly button
Things I'm going to miss:
  • seeing all of the blood vessels on my growing stomach; it's crazy to think that there's a life in there
  • feeling him move and kick
  • not worrying about my food belly showing after I eat a big meal
  • strangers asking me when I'm due, responding with "any day now!", and seeing them so excited!
Things I'm not going to miss:
  • having to stand two feet away from Cody when I hug him
  • feeling so helpless by not being able to lift/move things
  • being short of breath
  • my very limited maternity wardrobe; I was a bit too stubbornly thrifty
  • random mood swings! and tears that come out of nowhere!
  • the challenge of moving and bending
  • not being able to hold him!
  • the anticipation of when he's coming
...the anticipation of when he's coming. I've been struggling a bit with that one. Even though we're not technically to our due date, I know he can come anytime from now until the middle of September. I've never been patient at waiting! I want him here now! This date would be a great one for our little guy's birthday! Or  August 21, or 23, or 27 or 31. But I want to see him and hold him and the sooner, the better!

I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control. He is Baby K's creator. He loves Baby K so much more than we ever will. He holds this little guy in the palm of His hands which is the best place for him to be, even though I long to hold him in my arms. God, in His perfect omniscient way, knows the best day for Baby K to come. And God, being both all-powerful and all-loving, will provide me with the grace and the strength I need to get through these last days/weeks of pregnancy.

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